What every Mexican kid wants for Christmas….

First off – I’M ONLY KIDDING !!

Second -I cannot claim complete responsibility for this post -my brother-in-law (a.k.a.’ Kimber’)  sent it to me. I thought it was pretty funny -oh well…..

GF

The Manliest Bike Ever….

This ad appeared on Craigslist and I damn near fell out of my chair due to a fit of laughter and later realized I was probably on the floor due to the fact I should have been praising  the owner of this bike (the ad being very well written as well).

Let me make this clear – I WANT THIS BIKE !!

Read for yourself…

“Bike for sale

What kind of bike? I don’t know, I’m not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you’re way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan’s mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying “FUCK YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME”.

The bike says Giant on the side because it’s referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.

The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that’s bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you’re going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you’re probably a dickless lizard who doesn’t like to look intimidating.

The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you’re going to love this thing because it doesn’t try to penetrate your ass or anything.

I’ve topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you’re just a regular man you’ll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:
Gear 1 – Sissy Gear
Gear 2 – Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 – Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 – Boy Gear
Gear 5 – Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 – Manly Gear
Gear 7 – Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.

Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull’s testicles and tells people you don’t fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves “Hey asshole, touch this bike and I’ll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four”.

Bike is for 150 OBO (and don’t give me no panzy prices) “

Enough said-

GF

Laundry Wars…..

I know we all enjoy the email ‘flame’ wars we have seen posted on the net -I love ’em. I have decided to take ‘flame’ wars in a differnt direction –LAUNDRY WARS !!

Let me preface this story with the fact that I live an apartment and share a communal washer/dryer with the other eight apartments in my building. I also have the most annoying neighbor ever (we shall call her ‘Rose’) who lives upstairs from me -she is awful (more on that later).

Last night I was bored and decided to do some laundry – I loaded up my clothes and headed to the laundry room. Rose has a tendency to leave notes all over the place regarding cleanliness -but this one crossed the line….

The following is what I saw when I viewed the dryer and after that pic a scan of the actual note (notice the bottle of Lysol)…..Here’s the scan of the of the note

Considering I was bored -this launched me into a festive mood and I knew what had to be done –LAUNDRY WAR!!!

This is a pic of my posted response and a scan of the response to this idiotic idea….

The response-

Hopefully this will provide some good entertainment (at least I will be laughing)…….

“I love the smell of napalm in the morning – it smells like victory”  -Robert Duvall in “Apocalypse Now”

Laundry Wars -we shall see……

GF

Atheism -Because babies are tasty…

Maybe a good slathering of Baconaise would help out with the ‘bitter’ aftertaste of this high protein sandwich…. (I’m sure I’ll hear some crap about this one)
GF