Well, not exactly. Homemade Coppa is a more appropriate title. Prosciutto is made with a fresh raw ham(the hind leg of  a pig) and coppa is made with a pork shoulder. I decided to go with a pork shoulder for a couple of reasons-

  1. I had to ‘cure’ the meat in the fridge for approximately two weeks and storage space was a definite issue. A pork shoulder weighs about 7.5 pounds(easy storage) and a pork leg weighs between24-30 pounds(difficult storage). If planning on using a human leg research on local and state ordinances is highly advised.
  2. Cost – The pork shoulder cost roughly nine dollars. A fresh ham costs three times that. My point is if my experiment fails I’ve only lost 12 bucks total(including other needed supplies). That’s an acceptable loss. Also, I could die from botulism poisoning and I would rather die from inexpensive botulism rather than pricey botulism. I’m sure you understand.
  3. Drying time – Since I only had a window of 3-4 months to let the meat air dry a smaller cut of meat made sense. A 25 pound pork leg would take nine months to a year. I should add that I am hanging the Coppa in my parents basement during the few winter months(air temperature needs to be less than 70 degrees F) that are experienced here in the southern U.S.

Before I go any further I need to say that I am no expert on curing and drying meats. Eating them -yes. Making them from scratch-no. This is a post chronicling my first go at this paticular preserving method. Don’t try this at home unless you want to.

OK- let’s get a few things straight. I did NOT use any Sodium Nitrate or Sodium Nitrite in the curing process. Those are used to aid in the elimination of any potential botulism  bacteria that might occur. Reason being is that I wanted to go ‘old school’ with this. People have been curing meats for thousands of years without Nitrates and Nitrites. Also, I’ve read that N&N’s (not M&M’s) could be linked to some forms of cancer. That doesn’t concern me as  I smoke a pack a day. As I said before, I just want to go old school with this. Don’t give me any grief or I will find you and ‘Superman Punch’ you until you pray for the sweet release of  death. Just sayin’……

Let’s get started-

12/27/10

Here’s the pork shoulder(actually a pork ‘pinic’) I began with .        7.6 pounds  Skin side down in this photo.

I washed the meat with cold water followed by a bath in half a bottle of white vinegar(no rinse after the vinegar)- then placed it in a shallow baking dish for an overnight stay in the fridge.

12/28/10

I found this cool little roasting/cooling rack to place the salted pork on. I wanted something slightly elevated so that when salt draws some of the moisture from the pork it would not be resting in it’s own juices. Having it sit in a puddle of pork juice kind of defeats the whole salting thing in my opinion. I’ve seen some people cure meat in plastic bags. I don’t know why.

Next, I gave the pork a heavy coating of kosher salt making sure to get the salt into every nook and cranny.

I lined the bottom crisper drawer of the fridge with paper towels followed by the rack with the pork on top. Into the fridge.

12/30/10

Three days later I checked on it and decided to give it a flip and another pile of salt. The lines on the pork are from sitting on the rack.

Heavy coating of salt and back into the fridge(skin side down this time).

1/06/11

Had a nice hard salt crust. Changed the paper towels due to extracted pork juice. I like saying pork juice. I have no idea why.

Back to the cold box.

1/12/11

Salt cure done.The picture is the pork skin side up. I had left the meat to cure in salt for approximately two days for every pound of meat.  Scraped the salt off and gave Ms. Piggy a good wash with a solution of equal parts vinegar and warm water. This what she looks like after her bath and before hanging.

I wrapped her in a double layer of cheese cloth, strung her up with some thick twine, took her down to the basement and said goodnight . She rested there for a week.

1/19/11

Retrieved the pork from the basement . Unwrapped it from the cheesecloth and gave the exposed areas(areas not covered by skin) a slathering of lard. I know this sounds strange but I have read about this practice of fat smearing in a few old school methods of prosciutto making. The fat basically serves as a protective coating against bad guys. It makes sense to me. If you are familiar(I am more than familiar) with one of the best things on earth,Duck Confit, then you know that duck legs are cured in salt, cooked in their own fat and left to rest for months while resting in a cocoon of their own fat. Freakin’ awesome. Anyhoo, wrapped the pork in fresh cheesecloth  and restrung her. Back to the basement for as long as possible- temperature permitting. I’m hoping for 4 months.

I’ll update when the time is right.

Rock on with yo’ bad selves…..

**UPDATE 4/25/11**

It’s been a little more than three months since I hung the pork out to dry. The temperature here in the southeastern U.S. has risen above 70 degrees on a somewhat daily basis. Not conducive to the air drying process. I cut her down,untied her and removed the lard with a clean kitchen towel.

Finished Coppa

I sliced of a manageable hunk and it was pretty….

Chunk O' Coppa

Coppa

Using the sharpest knife  I had on hand I sliced and plated with a little pepper and a drizzle of olive oil.

Goodness

The Good and The Bad-

The Good

  • It tasted really really good. Perfect amount of salt. You would think that after packing the pork in salt for two weeks it would be overly salty. Not the case. The texture was slightly ‘toothsome’ for lack of a better word(most likely due to my not slicing it wafer thin) but not overly so. The flavor developed as I chewed slowly and deliberately. Sort of a ‘Ho-Hum’ that developed into a ‘Holy Crap ! This is good!’. Very nutty with a smoothness from the surrounding fat. Another thing I could taste was wood . This obviously came from the the exposed framework in my folks basement where the ham was hung. Not a bad thing by any means.Overall, I was very pleased….

The Bad

  • A dried pork picnic (lower bone-in shoulder) is difficult to carve due to bone structure. The yield of the final product was relatively small. Next time I would definitely use a Boston Butt(upper part of the shoulder).Less bone and plenty of pork fat goodness
  • I am no expert but an additional 2-3 months of drying time would have been preferred. I may be wrong -I’ll let you know next year.

I will go into different preservation techniques and concerns in another post…

“Why should I not believe that there are angels when I know for a fact that there are demons?”

                                                                 Robert Brault

First off – I’M ONLY KIDDING !!

Second -I cannot claim complete responsibility for this post -my brother-in-law (a.k.a.’ Kimber’)  sent it to me. I thought it was pretty funny -oh well…..

GFwhat-every-mexican-kid-wants-for-x-mas

This ad appeared on Craigslist and I damn near fell out of my chair due to a fit of laughter and later realized I was probably on the floor due to the fact I should have been praising  the owner of this bike (the ad being very well written as well).

Let me make this clear – I WANT THIS BIKE !!

Read for yourself…

Bike for sale

What kind of bike? I don’t know, I’m not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you’re way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan’s mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying “FUCK YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME”.

The bike says Giant on the side because it’s referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.

The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that’s bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you’re going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you’re probably a dickless lizard who doesn’t like to look intimidating.

The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you’re going to love this thing because it doesn’t try to penetrate your ass or anything.

I’ve topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you’re just a regular man you’ll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:
Gear 1 – Sissy Gear
Gear 2 – Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 – Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 – Boy Gear
Gear 5 – Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 – Manly Gear
Gear 7 – Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.

Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull’s testicles and tells people you don’t fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves “Hey asshole, touch this bike and I’ll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four”.

Bike is for 150 OBO (and don’t give me no panzy prices)

Enough said-

GF

I know we all enjoy the email ‘flame’ wars we have seen posted on the net -I love ’em. I have decided to take ‘flame’ wars in a differnt direction –LAUNDRY WARS !!

Let me preface this story with the fact that I live an apartment and share a communal washer/dryer with the other eight apartments in my building. I also have the most annoying neighbor ever (we shall call her ‘Rose’) who lives upstairs from me -she is awful (more on that later).

Last night I was bored and decided to do some laundry – I loaded up my clothes and headed to the laundry room. Rose has a tendency to leave notes all over the place regarding cleanliness -but this one crossed the line….

The following is what I saw when I viewed the dryer and after that pic a scan of the actual note (notice the bottle of Lysol)…..picture-006Here’s the scan of the of the note

scan00011

Considering I was bored -this launched me into a festive mood and I knew what had to be done –LAUNDRY WAR!!!

This is a pic of my posted response and a scan of the response to this idiotic idea….

picture-009The response-

scan0002Hopefully this will provide some good entertainment (at least I will be laughing)…….

“I love the smell of napalm in the morning – it smells like victory”  -Robert Duvall in “Apocalypse Now”

Laundry Wars -we shall see……

GF

Maybe a good slathering of Baconaise would help out with the ‘bitter’ aftertaste of this high protein sandwich…. (I’m sure I’ll hear some crap about this one)
GF

Atheism -Because babies are tasty